That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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