I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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