I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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