you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
