i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Randomize
