you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize