I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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