i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
