I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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