Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize