doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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