Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
