I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize