there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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