I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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