I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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