woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize