Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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