It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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