Do you still have your period?
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
We don't watch enough power rangers
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Couch. On fire.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
