I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
