I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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