I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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