This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
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