First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
