Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Randomize
