Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
