I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Randomize
