I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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