My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I have fence marks all over my body
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
