Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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