guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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