I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
