She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
