Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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