I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
