Kiss
Puke
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize