thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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