Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
