I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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