You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
