theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
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