Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
