im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
