Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
