I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
