i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i will never coherently bang her
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
