So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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