He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
