Girls should come with a carfax report
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
