I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
