I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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