I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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