I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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