i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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