I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
