the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
