just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
