Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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