I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize