Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
