Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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