so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Randomize
