That's intense
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
