That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
