She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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