Umm I'm too high to move.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
