I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
