remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize