if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
