I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
