Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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