I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
