Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize