im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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