i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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