I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
