This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
