and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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