there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I think I sprained my soul last night
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
