Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
