Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
