I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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