Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
