if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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