i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
